Monday, June 29, 2009

To Be Cut Out


It is very unfortunate, but in recent weeks and days I have had to cut some people out of my life

Negroes have been acting up. And I don't have the time, strength, or energy to deal with it.

Case #1: The Ex

Yep yep... He has been BLOWING UP my damn phone.

The Voicemail Message: "You need to stop actin' like a big baby[idiot]...You are very ungrateful. You think I'm evil but you don't realize how you treat me. I bet you treat people at school who you just met better than you treat me [hell yea, they actually treat me like I'm a human being]. I need to know if you wanna come home this weekend [he still thinks I want him to service my parts, dumass]. I'll pay for your ticket [uhh, do you want a pat on the back?] Do you want to come to the BBQ? [NO mofo, I don't like your ass or your crazy ass family]. BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH

His AIM has been blocked, his number deleted and his calls are being IGNORED!


Case # 2: The Sportsman

He has NOT been blowing up my phone.

Where the hell is he? This man has to be the sexiest human being on the planet to me. He is just my type... Tall, football player build, nice smile, college educated, etc. Only thing is, homeboy can not hold a conversation.

UNLESS ITS ABOUT SEX. That's just plain ol' ridiculous. Mmm mm no. You've gots to go.

I'm so attracted to him, things could get outta control [as they almost did-but thats another story for another day]. WHEW.

I decided he is not what I'm looking for and I don't need to be talking to him AT ALL.

His phone number has been deleted.

Case # 3: The Silly Man

He used to BLOW UP my iPhone inbox... But only when his shorty [some skeezer, no lie yah] wasn't around.

He is easy to explain. We were on again and off again for months. Homeboy thought I was somebody he could pull out his back pocket when homegirl wasn't around. Hol' up, wait a got dam minute! I am not SECOND to anyone. We can put the breaks on that one. Nor am I a homewrecker. I knew he was in love with her-shit he broadcasted it all over his Facebook page. Need I say more?

His number has been deleted, his Facebook page has been removed.

Case #4: The Sweetie

He acts like he is allergic to his phone.

This man is so sweet. He constantly puts a smile on my face. He is in college and has goals that I know he will reach. He is so handsome and he is a good dresser [he got that NY Swag that I love]. Too bad he is too busy or whatever. IDK, he just doesn't have his priorities in order [meaning me-I deserve to be up there on that list :)]. And every time he would come back around it would be with the same ol'... I missed you sweetie, how you doing princess?, sorry I've been busy. And I believe he was being sincere. But I don't think he is ready for a relationship and I like him too much to just remain friends. Plus we only saw each other ONCE because every time we supposed to meet up he flakes out. HELL NO! So unfortunately [his loss] he had to go.

His number has been deleted, his AIM SN has been blocked.

Nonetheless, I still have faith in my Black men. I don't believe that they are ALL "ain't shit niggas." Nah not all of them. Just the one's I have been running into. LMAO, no need to be upset. I'm not even 21 yet, things will look up.

So I went to having three boos (the Ex doesn't count) to having NONE.

How do I feel?

Just fine. Refreshed. Like I'm starting a new chapter. All smiles.

Sunday, June 28, 2009

To Be Serviced...Where Is My Mechanic??

Introducing: The Sex Machine... Maybe I should use this to service my parts

I have this urgent urge to be serviced.

My female parts need a fixin' n some fine tunin'.
I'm starting to hear creakin' n squeakin' down there.

It's been a WHILE...[like dot dot dot dot dot(still going) dot dot dot]
And I just want somebody to do my body right. And since the only person I've ever been with is the EX I guess that won't be happening.

And I DON'T/REFUSE TO have a ONE Night Stand! [YUCK]

And to think... I was gonna allow the EX to do that for me.
Shakin my muthafriggin head.

Well I was uneasy about it anyways. I wanted EVERYTHING done to me. I wanted to feel that kind of sexual bliss you see in movies or pornos. Then I realized that was just a fantasy because I am no porno movie star nor am I even as sexually experienced as I want to be. So how could I expect someone to put it on me if I can't return the favor?

He says I'm the best he's ever had...

I have to disagree. We did IT like no more times than the number of fingers I have on my hand.
So I know I'm not like the others... You know the girls who can:

Throw it back like a quarterback
Lick, lick, lick him like a lollipop
Ride him like a midwest cowgirl

That is SO not me. I'm not wack but dammit, I'm not that ^.
But my sis says maybe I shouldn't have any fear. Maybe I am the best he's ever had. Some girls are just naturally good at IT. Hmmmm interesting thought.

Her suggestion: Listen, just google some tricks and put it on his ass. LMAO
Is sex supposed to be this complicated?

Anyways, none of this really matters because I'm not gonna get my parts serviced for a long long time. I made the EX wait years and the next will have to do the same. It's against my religion. I really wanted to wait until marriage... Obviously that didn't happen.


And if you haven't proved to be worshiping it then you don't get none(of the nookie, I mean).

--From the mind of Nikki C.

Saturday, June 27, 2009

To Be Hurt

I'm not gonna jump into this blog by creating the traditional "welcome to my blog."

Life is SO real... so I just want to jump into how I feel...

He hurt me... AGAIN. He can be really really evil sometimes. The words that he says can be worst than someone putting their hands on you. He is not even my man. He is an ex and has been for a long long time. Funny thing is, he is the one who always tries to maintain contact with ME. Listen, if you're gonna be an asshole then stay the F**K out of my life. That's how I feel.

Does anyone reading this know how it feels to be hurt repeatedly? I can't even describe it. It just makes me want to cry. This is the same person who I told myself I would never EVER cry over again. Yet a simple conversation on AIM where he gets upset for no reason and then I get upset cuz he is upset makes me cry. And I know I wasn't crying because of him or because of the fact that he was/still is upset with me. I cried because I'm tired of having the same conversation. The conversation where he threatens to stop talking to me forever, because I'm "evil" (yea right). I really wish sometimes he will go, walk away, and stop talking to me forever. But he won't.

Today, I deleted his AIM.

Today he wants to stop talking to me for good.

Tomorrow he will be calling me again.

I won't pick up.

But I'm telling you he will blow up my AIM/phone like it's no tomorrow. It's very annoying. It is a never-ending emotional roller coaster. UGHH

Oh yea...and those tears I mentioned earlier were not of any significance. They weren't those boo-hoo, balling, falling on the floor, tear your insides apart, the storm in my life will never end tears... They were tears of frustration. Two little droplets down my face. Because you know what...he doesn't deserve my tears. He took them all out of me during our too long relationship. You will not ever hear me say: "I want that old thing back." PUH-LEASE!

Granted, it was a SMALL misunderstanding. But I don't need people in my life who are going to run out of it whenever everything isn't all peachy. He needs to MAN-UP. Cuz that mess ain't fair to me.

But you know what? They say people only do to you what you allow them to do.

Maybe I need to kick his short ass out my life. His time in my book is running out. I think I need to close that chapter. I'm gonna definitely pray on it.

--From the life of Nikki C.